he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
