Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
