It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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