she woke up with a sticky ear
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
