I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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