Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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