he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
