It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
