There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
