so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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