Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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