fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Enjoy the penises
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
