so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
