i don't like sucking hair
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
