we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
