You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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