did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
