I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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