my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
