Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the day after is always just damage control
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
