I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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