Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
