maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
