I need help removing her.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
