pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
