I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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