So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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