i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
