He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
A+ Viking dick
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
