I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Everyone says I win the strip club
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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