No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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