I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
