and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
