I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
