Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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