You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
