the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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