i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
