Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
