You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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