No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
