When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He shit in the fireplace
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
