Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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