There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
