I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
