Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am puke
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
