Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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