Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I deserve this hangover.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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