ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We left an ass print on the piano.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
