$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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