Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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