what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
